Thursday, October 3, 2019

I saw you at the Fair

It's fall in Maine and I enter the fair with a group of friends who quickly spread out into different directions. It's packed and I'm not feeling well so I decide to find my parents and ask if maybe I can get a ride home with them since I know my friends won't be leaving for hours. Through the crowd I spot Dad walking and I quickly start in that direction, making my way through hoards of people eating cotton candy and fried dough. I spot mom as I'm getting closer and then I see you walking close behind them. I start running.... ZUKA! I run up and hug you so tight, so many dreams I have looked for you and never reached you and finally here you are right it front of me. I grab you and I hug you so tight, I keep saying, "here you are!!" I am so overjoyed to see you again, it's like you have been here the whole time and I just didn't see it. I never want to let you go!!

but then I wake up and realize it was a dream.... and though I am happy I finally saw you and hugged you in a dream, I'm also heartbroken that it was just a dream.

I have been pushing my feelings down. Trying not to think. Trying to just survive. All day the tears have been dwelling just beneath the surface. Zuka, it's still unbelievable to me that you are gone. I can't accept's like you're away and you are coming back but you can't be gone forever right?!!! It's like that night never happened...I don't want to believe it did.

Oh Zuk, I'd give anything just to hug you one more time....