Monday, March 9, 2020


        It's been 565 days, 1 year 6 months and 16 days, 80 weeks 5 days,  approximately 13,560 hours since Zuka died. I just had a dream that I met Zuka at school to discuss future plans and we had to go in a conference room, he ran ahead laughing and locked his friend and me out of the room. He let us in, laughing and sporting that Zuka smile. That smile, it was huge and made me happy. I know people always say things about the deceased and how their smile lit up a room, so cliche but with Zuka it was true. His smile was mischievous. I woke up from the dream, and couldn't help but cry. I miss that smile.
        I know some people would wonder why 565 days later I'm still crying about his loss, and some people would say, "of course she is!" 565 days to realize he's not coming back but still, I can't believe that he is gone.

You see, I know sometimes it feels like no one would care if you were gone. I know it feels like you are a burden and people would be better off without you but I guarantee there is someone who would be grieving your loss 565 days later. You mean the world to someone and people's lives wouldn't be the same without you! Please don't give up! Please read my journey of the last 565 days and understand how the death of someone you love impacts you. Zuka's friends, his family, his loved ones, and I, we will never be the same. We will always live with his memories both happy and devastating. We will never forget where we were when we heard that Zuka had taken his life. 565 days ago Zuka completed suicide. That smile that lit up a room, is forever extinguished and the world will never be the same.

You're never alone. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you are struggling emotionally or thinking about suicide.

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