I think I judge myself harshly when it comes to my grief, like I believe I should be doing better than I am. The thing is, I'd never think that about anyone else and judge them for their grief. Why do we expect some much more of ourselves than we do other people? Why do we speak to ourselves in ways that we would never speak to someone else? With grief, and other types of trauma, we will never forget, it doesn't mean we can't continue to move forward. It's not about "getting over" what is hurting you but waking up each day and doing what you need to do to survive. Sometimes all you can do is hold yourself together and that's okay! You take the next best step, you do what you can do and what you need to do to get through each day.
Your mind and body hear you, when you think negative thoughts about yourself and set up unrealistic expectations for yourself you are harming yourself. It's okay to feel what you are feeling. The more we numb and stuff the pain the more we are going to feel it later. Feelings must be felt. It's uncomfortable to "fall apart" but sometimes it's exactly what we need. Sometimes you need to just break down, cry, scream, stay in bed all day.... do what you need to do to feel that pain and ride the wave through it. Understand that you will not always feel the same way. There will be good days and there will be bad. You can't get stuck in those times, continue to move forward but don't judge yourself for having those times when you are not okay.
Take care of you!!
If things get too tough, remember, you're never alone. Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you are struggling emotionally or thinking about suicide