Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Losing you changed me


Losing you changed me. I spend more time alone. I think too much. I have nightmares. I worry that people will mention something that triggers me and I'll cry. I have a constant fear of losing people that I love. I'm afraid to argue because what if that's the last time I get to talk to someone. I can't go to sleep mad. I have this need to make a difference....to save someone because I couldn't save you. I need to always be better, do better, try harder... be enough. If I was enough, would you still be here? I'm ok. I feel happy sometimes but a piece of me is always broken and I have to hide that... stuff it down... people get tired of being around the broken one.  I lost you. I understand that... I just didn't know that I'd lose me too....

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